fuck fuck fuck

gah so much shit is happening ot me and i cant talk to anyone about it. god. i like someone so much but i cant tell anyone. not even kevin. then my sister starts being the biggest bitch to me. forcing me to go to the beach tomorrow or tuesday. i have my reasons for not going. i will be exhausted tomorrow. and if we go tuesday i will be sick the next day (as always) and wednesday is my birthday party. GOD!!!!!!!!

fucking life.

ack!!! kevin is being a bitch. its pissing me off. i mean all i did was read his LJ and ask him about what happend and he got all pissy and i responded by saying that i was just trying to help and he just bitched at me some more. as if my day didnt suck enough. i've felt like shit all day. its seriously pissing me off. i wish that i could just have a normal life!!!!!!!

So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.

Taking Back Sunday - You Know How I Do


im just so sick of everything. i wish it would all go away. just end. what do you do when you feel like this? i mean. ive tried cutting, everything i could think of. i write to get things off my chesta nd out of my head and the shit i try doesnt work. i draw. that doesnt work either. the only time im happy is when im at school with my friends. i actually have friends. that makes me happy. but now i hate life cuz im too fucking sick to go to school. i just HATE IT!
when im at school i tend to forget about the shittyness of my life. i just think of how i get to make joke and actually laugh for real with my friends. like today. i wasnt in school, but when Geri came over after school and Geri, Cara, and I all laughed and made joke i felt GOOD about it. really and truly. it doesnt happen much anymore. its like i have to pretend to be happy. gah.

i suppose this is the end of my ranting.